My sister, My friend

I smile because you're my sister, I laugh because there is nothing you can do bout it!
I have a sister that is 3 years older than me. She bought me a wall decoration with this saying on it a few years back. But, I probably should have been the one saying this to her because I'm pretty sure I annoyed her far more than she annoyed me. Like the time she was cutting up vegetables in the kitchen and I made her so angry she turned around and said she hated me and I'm pretty sure she threatened to stab me, I know right! I don't even remember what I did to upset her but she never did have much patience for me :)

I don't know where I would be without my sister. She has been a huge part of my life. We weren't as close growing up. My brother and her were closer in age so they hung out a lot. It wasn't until my brother left home that we truly grew our bond as sisters.

My sister was who I looked up to and yes even envied! My sister is very beautiful and always has been. All my guy friends in school always talked about hot my sister was. We were even walking through the mall one time and some random guy stopped her and told her she was beautiful. I was so envious of her beauty. But could you blame me...I was a freckled, awkward little ginger :)

My sister would probably disagree that she was a good example to me because she was the rebel child in our house hold. All the things we were told or taught not to do, she did them :) But I would disagree that she was a bad example. My sister was and still is so generous and giving. She loves to do for others!! She was always able to speak up for herself, even to my parents, not in a disrespectful way, and I again envied this about her. I was an introvert but she always encouraged me to say what was on my mind and speak up if I didn't agree with something. Watching her life helped me in the decisions I had to make in mine. I am very grateful for the example she is and was, the good and the bad!

I have so many memories of us just being crazy together and am reminded of them often. It could be a song that jolts those memories or something someone says or does and I instantly miss her! I don't get to see her much anymore because we live a 2 days drive a way from each other but she means just as much to me now as she did growing up! My sister is an amazing women and mother. I'm not just saying that because she is my sister but she is truly one of the most amazing mothers I know!

I was reminded of a time when we went on vacation to Yellowstone National Park, she was a teenager and I was probably 10 or 11. We had been visiting an area of the park and night fell and my sister and I and our dad were the only ones left out at this geyser. If you have ever been to Yellowstone it is a very eerie but beautiful place. It was very dark out and I was terrified walking through the dark desolate place thinking a bear or buffalo was going to come maul me at any moment. I wanted to reach out for my sisters hand but resisted because I didn't want her to know how scared I was...well just a few moments later my sister reached out and grabbed my hand, she was just as scared as I was. Immediately I felt comforted and not as afraid. After that time there were many more dark moments in our lives where we needed to reach out for each other's hand. Whether it was in the form of a hug, a phone call or just crying together. She still brings comfort to me in my times of darkness.

If you were fortunate enough to be blessed with a sister, I hope you can say that she is not just your sister, but your friend and that you cherish the time you have with them!!

Dedicated to my beautiful, amazing, crazy, fantastic sister Rebekah Lynn Robertus.
I love you Pooky!!!

My own little world is not about me!!

I've always been in my own little bubble, not letting anyone inside. I was never one to share my feelings because it makes me feel so vulnerable. Even yesterday I opened and shared about a area in my life and almost immediately regretted it. I felt like I put myself on a cold metal slab for others to come and dissect and pick me apart! Opening up is still a struggle for me but with the Lord's help I have come far in letting people in. 

The first one to break through was my wonderful husband. He had so much patience and lovingly broke through bit by bit. I wouldn't communicate with him over anything, no madder how insignificant and it was tearing us apart. I so regret how long it took just to let him into my life but am so thankful that he didn't give up on me!! The first 2 years were the worst and hardest and I honestly had moments where I just wanted to give up. Thankfully the Lord and Jake didn't let me!


I know the Lord is working on me in other areas of my life now. To take the focus off myself and turn it to others. I've always been selfish with my time, my husband, and just very focused once again on my own little bubble. I loathed anything that took time away from my plans, especially things that took my husband away from me. If anyone knows my husband, he is the most giving man. He will do anything for anyone and help out wherever needed no madder what! He's always busy helping others. So this was a huge struggle for me over the years, to share him. I would get mad at him and think he was putting others needs before my own. Other peoples cars needed fixed, or house repairs done etc. and I would pout like a child! How appalling my behavior was. I soon began to see what a lucky woman I was and that he wasn't putting others before me. God has given my husband a very special ability...he can do all things!! Ha Ha. He knows all things, he fixes all things, if he doesn't know he figures it out! My husband was definitely not wasting his God given talents. He is a good example of Deuteronomy 16:17; Every man shall give as he is able, according to the blessing of the Lord thy God which he hath given thee.
 I wouldn't change who my husband is for the world. He is amazing and he shows Christ's love to those around him daily just in how he lives his life, unselfishly, and I admire him so much for it.

Bringing in the new year of 2011, instead of making a new year's resolution I was challenged to just pick one word of something I wanted to focus on that year or change about myself. I prayed about it and knew rather quickly what that word would be...Selfless! I was honestly scared to take this challenge, because I knew if I committed that God WOULD do a work in me and my bubble didn't like the thought! But I willingly took the challenge and asked God to change me and give me opportunities to serve others and that he did! It was especially hard for me to get involved with the teen ministry at church. Teens aren't my area of expertise, but when I took the focus off how the activities were butting into my life and how these kids just frustrated me over stupid things and instead looked at these precious lives in front of me, I was able to see what a gift God had given me. He was allowing me to be a part of their life. Someone they could hopefully look up to, someone to help mold and teach them and set an example for. Wow! I couldn't grasp that I was where God wanted to me, that he wanted to use me in their lives somehow someway. I feel unworthy of this task because I'm still not where God wants me to be in many areas of my life. But the cool thing is, that God will use me with what I have to offer in this moment, only if I am willing. And slowly it wasn't me changing those teens, but those teens were changing me. Somehow, they made me love them, Ha Ha! Even with all their weirdness and annoying things they did. They have and continue to capture my heart. I hope and pray that God continues to use me and that it will make a difference, no madder how small. They have been a blessing to my life!


I've taken other opportunities with my church to help in the community. Serving food at the homeless shelter. Making food for families in need (this one is huge because I hate cooking) I don't think they enjoyed my meal very much but it was the thought that counted :) I even bought a homeless man lunch at McDonald's!! May not seem like a big deal to most of you to do these things but in my world, these things put me way out of my comfort zone!! 


Wow! This is really long, maybe I need to contain my bubble a little more :)

This all may have come off like I'm bragging about stuff but honestly, I'm ashamed! I've been a selfish miserable person in the past and this isn't the worst of it. The one person that should have been in my bubble my whole life, I made a point to keep far away...My Lord and Savior! The one who suffered and died for my sins. How dare I keep him out. 


I made a profession of faith when I was very young, but it wasn't genuine which I later realized but ignored! I knew I wasn't saved, that if I died I would be in hell and I had the answer to fix it. He was right in front of me calling me by name. And I ignored him. Some of you can't grasp why I wouldn't go running to Him, but that just goes to show you how stubborn and selfish I really was. I was a teenager, I was the preacher's daughter and I was too afraid what others would think of me. That the preacher's daughter had been an imposter all these years! How pathetic I was.  

I was constantly afraid of death or the rapture taking place and I would be left behind. I fought this for months maybe even more than a year. Thankfully God never gave up on me and I did let him into my heart. He loves me so much and I am so undeserving of his love and his precious gift!


I can't believe how much God has blessed me and where he has brought me. I still struggle excepting how much he loves me and why? I'm a dirty rotten sinner that locked him away for years. Even after I excepted him I kept him at a distance. It hasn't been until the last few years that I have really started letting my walls down. A lot of thanks goes to my church. My pastor and his wife especially. My pastor has preached many messages and I feel like they are for my ears only. His wife has become a very close and dear friend. I love and have so much respect for her. For the stand she has taken in her life for Christ. I wish that I could have had the same commitment as a teenager that she had in living her life for Christ! These two have had a huge impact on where I am in my spiritual walk today. My church family has even snuck their way into my bubble. I've never been a social person but I love these people in my church dearly and look forward to the time I get to spend with them.


I wish that I would have done many things differently concerning this bubble of mine, but I guess it has made me into who I am today. A girl that can't shut-up and speaks her mind....not always a good thing. Ha Ha!


I hope that this will encourage someone to let down your barriers and let people into your life, because God just might have a whole new world waiting for you! It's miserable being alone in your little bubble, but I also know how scary it is to let others into it. But you're missing out on all the blessings God has waiting for you. Most importantly, don't keep God out of your bubble. God loves you so much, he sent his son to die for you, how dare we ignore what he did for us and not give our life to him in return. And if you have accepted Christ in your life, don't keep him at a distance. Let him pop that bubble wide open to shape and mold you, you won't regret it!


I leave you with a line from Matthew West's song that has had a huge impact on breaking my bubble. I made this my prayer last year and keep it close to my heart!

"Father break my heart for what breaks yours. Give me open hands and open doors. Put your light in my eyes and let me see that my own little world is not about me."

Muzik!!!

I love love love music. Music is such a powerful tool in our lives. It can instantly change your emotions. I can hear a song and instantly be in a better mood or it can make me sad and have me in tears. I have always needed music in my life. I can't stand working or driving without it playing!! Music can be a wonderful thing, but it can also be a very negative thing. I grew up in a very strict home, a preacher's home to be exact and music was an area where we had a lot of restrictions. Basically I was only aloud to listen to Hymns, Gospel, instrumental stuff. Since my mom listened to some mild country and oldies those were okay too. But anything with a beat to it or just not very good lyrics were not allowed. So of coarse, putting a boundary on this of coarse made me want to listen to the things I wasn't allowed even more. Going to public school and hanging around friends that were aloud to listen to whatever they wanted made this even harder. I struggled with music for years!!!! I listened to all the wrong music. Music about sex, drugs, partying etc. Everything that still fills music today. It was a huge conviction of mine that I shouldn't be listening to this music so I would stop for a while and just listen to things I thought weren't displeasing to God like the oldies or country my mom listened to, but it would never stick. I just needed a beat and more excitement to my music and didn't know where else to find it. So for years I circled around this issue. When I finally started realizing there was Christian music out there that wasn't boring and I liked it, yet, according to my "religion" this contemporary christian music was evil because it sounded worldly! So yet again, this outlet I had found was banned as well. I struggled constantly in this area. Hiding the music I was listening to from my parents and constantly feeling guilty for it. Once I got married and moved out of my parents house I was able to start finding myself, to step outside the box of what I had always been taught or told was right or wrong and started a journey of what I believe and why I believe it! I struggled with the music issue well into my married years and finally discovered K-love radio. A contemporary Christian station. K-love took over my life. It was all I listened to in my house and in my car. I had music that had a beat, it was exciting and it was filled with words about my Saviour!! I sometimes still felt maybe it was wrong to listen to this contemporary christian music based off what I was told growing up. I still wouldn't play it around my parents, too afraid of what they would think. Within the last few years I really stopped caring what they thought or what other Christians in my circle would think and started dissecting whether it was really bad or too worldly. The oldies and country music I was allowed to listen to growing up did not talk about Christ or glorify him in any way and the music I had now discovered talked about nothing but Christ. Since I listened to K-love all the time I was constantly thinking about Christ and my walk with him. This upbeat Christian music was strengthening my walk with Christ, was convicting me in certain areas of my life and helping me grow. Just because I had always been taught it was worldly and not pleasing to the Lord didn't make it so. Because the change in my live was evidence that God was using this radio station to draw me closer to him and I finally conqured my battle with music and it felt great! Sure there are hymns and mellower christian music out there that is very glorifying to God, but it wasn't enough for me. I love hymns but no offense to anyone....they get boring! I think those in my life that are against upbeat Christian music base it off of the religion they grew up in, what they were told by their pastors, their colleges, their parents. Christians, especially Baptists, don't like change!! I had discovered a passage in Psalms, chapter 150, verses 4 -6; Praise him with the timbrel and dance: praise him with stringed instruments and organs. Praise him upon the loud cymbals: praise him upon the high sounding cymbals: Let every thing that hath breath praise the Lord. Praise ye the Lord.
These verses were talking about all these instruments, loud instruments and even dancing in praise to the Lord. Sounds like they were getting jiggy with it back in the bible days in worship to the Lord. Now I'm not sure how it really went down but from these verses it just sounds loud, fun, and exciting. So why can't we take drums, guitars, electric guitars, music with a beat and praise the Lord with it? I have discovered, Christian Punk music, Ska music and even Christian Rap, and let me tell you, that the Christian Rap music I found is more convicting than any Christian music I have ever listened to, no joke! They basically preach at you and quote scripture in rap form. I know many Christians in my circle would in no way agree that could bring honor and glory to God. But how do we know what God thinks about it? I am still very careful with my Christian music. I pay attention to the lyrics and like to read about the artists to see what their testimony is and what they really are all about. I'm not trying to tell others in my life they are wrong, I'm just sharing my personal journey with music and how God has used it in my life! I don't think it is the beat or style of music that makes it bad, but people that can make it bad. I think that contemporary christian music is a good outlet for teenagers these days.  A lot of music out there today is awful!!!!!!! It is filled with lyrics that are just disgusting in my opinion but these kids are constantly surrounded by it. Most Christian teens aren't going to just listen to hymns, believe me, I've tried. Some people are satisfied with that and that's great, but it's just not what holds teens or most people now a days. They need an outlet, lyrics that set a good example and talk to them about Christ and living a godly life but in a way that will hold their attention, that they won't get bored with and turn to the other trash out there. Now don't get me wrong, there is plenty of good music that isn't Christian music. I still listen to non-christian music but am careful about it. I just challenge those that have been raised to believe that Contemporary Christian music whether its form is Rock, Rap etc. to not judge so quickly just because it isn't slow and soft. Listen to the lyrics and to the testimony of those lives it has changed in some way. I believe Christian Rap artists can reach a group of people that I couldn't, just from the message in the lyrics. I've heard of lives that have been changed and people that have accepted Christ because Christian music in some form introduced Christ to their life. Christian music in its many forms has changed my life!!!

Let every thing that hath breath praise the Lord!